So I’m sleeping, as many often do at 5am, and Bud comes in to our room to whisper, “Mom, I need a band-aid. I cut my penis.”

Most moms would probably throw the covers off and dart to an immediate “deer in headlights” stance trying to gather her wits while asking a bazillion questions, but I was caught in that middle time of dream land and life so his statement replayed in my head in that in between space for another hour or so while I sleepily asked if his penis was bleeding, which it was not, so I told him to go potty, get dressed, and make his bed. I would look at it when I woke up.

An hour later, he was dressed, I was awake, and we both seemed to forget about the whole (bizzarre) incident…until that night at bath time:

Bud: Mom, this is whewe I cut my penis. Look!

Me, wide eyed and having a horrific flashback in realization that it was not, in fact, a dream: Ooooohhhh, right! I see… It doesn’t look cut.

Bud: Yes it is. Look! (he shows me again.)

Me: Bud, that’s not a cut. thats where your urine comes out.

Bud: You mean my pee-pee? I know that! Look next to it!

Me, not seeing anything out of the ordinary: I’m going to call Daddy in. He might have more experience with this…Honey! (you don’t really think I call him “Mr. TheKing” for real, do you?) Can you come in here? Bud has something to show you!

Mr. TheKing enters the bathroom and I fill him in on the convo, so far.

MTK, looking horrified: Bud, how did this happen?

Bud: Well, my penis was cold so I twied to wawm it up.

MTK: On what?

Bud: My nightlight lightbulb.

MTK turns white as a ghost and proceeds: We NEVER touch lightbulbs. They get very hot. That was very dangerous.

Bud: I know that now, Daddy. I think I’m ok now. See? 

Me: Out of curiosity, why was your penis cold?

Bud: Because I took off my pajamas, of couwse!

Me: Bud, that’s why you’re supposed to get dressed when you wake up.

Bud: Oh! Wight! Well now I know that’s a weally good idea. I won’t fo-get that tomowwow!

#WhatTheWhat?!?!?!?!
#LessonLearned??????
#UnexpectedConvosWithKids
#NeverDull
#SoThatHappened…