Redefinition: Male Polish

Male Polish: noun

Nail polish for males; especially for those closely related to young females who enjoy pampering themselves and others; mainly fathers, brothers, grandfathers, and uncles. Color selection includes but is not limited to: blue, green, yellow, orange, and white. Also includes option of glitter sprinkles. 

(This redefinition is brought to you by P&BS {Parenting & Baloney Sandwiches} and sponsored by  Murphy’s Law Firm, the only firm you can count on for true accountability.)  


Redefinition #24.7.365-7.11: Headbang

Headbang: verb

That moment when you’ve spent the day accomplishing every tedious task on your to do list including but not limited to laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, taking out trash & recycling, straightening out the damn rug that’s always lopsided and actually gorilla gluing that shit to the pad underneath, finally changing all closet knobs in kid’s rooms because one has been broken since you purchased the house in May, showering and putting on real clothes and maybe some makeup, spending 1/2 hour on hold waiting to speak with IKEA customer service to find out if an item could be placed on hold until your husband arrives because he is driving from one IKEA to another because he’s not very good at planning ahead in his personal life {with a few exceptions that may or may not be explained in another post} and he’s actually quite surprised that the one item he wants isn’t available THE WEEK OF CHRISTMAS and his honest surprise doesn’t surprise you at all, but IKEA is a first come first serve store and shipping on that item costs 4x the price of the actual item so he drives to the next state and next IKEA with your 4yo while you continue to meal plan and make a shopping list for the upcoming holiday that you are hosting, cook dinner, set dinner table, get child’s CCD costume ready for the play that you just learned about this morning even though the play is tonight and you’re the parent from the other faith of your interfaith marriage, text fervently with class parents from public school trying to figure out if you were supposed to do anything for the class winter party or if there is even a party since the class parents haven’t mentioned anything about the supposed party that is on the calendar for tomorrow but your children have said isn’t happening due to “too many allergies” in the class, take a deep breath, wrap and hide all gifts for the next round of “holidaze”, clean up, realize you actually got it all done and are ready to celebrate but just as you’re leaving to go pick kids up from school, the doorbell rings and you see yet another package from UPS that contains things that need to be wrapped while your husband backs into driveway with 2 IKEA boxes in the trunk that will need to be assembled…

 #soclose #nicetry #bangsheadonwall #holidaze

(This #redefinition brought to you by P&BS {Parenting & Baloney Sandwiches} and sponsored by Murphy’s Law Firm, the only firm you can count on for true accountability.)

Redefinition: Text

Text: noun

The flurry of fact checking activity among other parents when your child informs you today is Pajama Day in class but there is no note from the teacher to clarify or verify, other than the one your child wrote herself in her homework log.

See also: trust

(This redefinition is brought to you by P&BS, Parenting & Baloney Sandwiches, and sponsored by Murphy’s Law Firm, the only firm you can count on for true accountability.)



Redefinition: Holidaze

Holidaze: noun

That moment you realize you have scheduled your wisdom teeth to be removed on Friday and have completed zero holiday shopping even though Hanukkah starts on Sunday plus this is your first Christmas in your new house and have absolutely no decorations with the exception of a few ornaments and hand-me-down trinkets and yet you miraculously get it all done in one non-stop whirlwind trip to the store while your children are in school.

Related: Super Mom

See also: Target {pronounced with French accent = Tar-jay, because we’re fancy like that}

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holidazed & confused: verb

The feelings I will undoubtedly be experiencing this weekend while lighting the menorah next to the advent wreath after having afore mentioned wisdom teeth removed #notsowise

This #redefinition brought to you by P&BS {Parenting & Baloney Sandwiches} and sponsored by Murphy’s Law Firm, the only firm you can count on for true accountability.

Please light the lights responsibly this holiday season.

This site not responsible for any nonsensical posts made for a minimum of 72 hours post operation…

#holidaze #happyhanukkah #merrychristmas