That moment when you’re having a lazy Saturday morning and you’re sitting on the couch next to your child, watching a movie and you notice his chin is bruised and seems to have a rash and no less than one BAZILLION thoughts fly through your head like lightning, gaining speed and intensity as the list rapidly grows: Did he bump it? Does it hurt? How long has it been there? Was it there when he woke up? Did it happen in his sleep? Why didn’t you look at him carefully earlier than this moment? There was no time. Make more time. Should I call the pediatrician? Should we go to the ER? Is it contagious? What is it? It could be a rash. Is it swollen? Did he knock a tooth loose? It could be anything. It’s probably nothing. It could be meningitis, hepatitis, any-itis! Does it hurt when you turn your head? Does he have a fever? Is he exhibiting signs of a concussion? Can you follow my finger? How many fingers do you see? Work on counting skills. His eyes are focused. He might be cross eyed. Should I compare it to pictures on WebMD? No, then he’ll have cancer. Call the pediatrician. Get kids dressed as quickly as possible in case you must flee to the doctor or emergency room. There’s no time to clean up. Clean up while you wait for the doctor to call you back. Should I wake up my husband. Only if we need to leave. Should I wake him just in case and have him look too? No, you can handle this. Get him an ice pack for the bruise. What the hell is it? Why is it so circular? Has it spread? Check the rest of his body. Does it look like Lymes disease? Check body for deer ticks. Stop freaking out. It’s probably nothing. Is he going to die? Why hasn’t the doctor called back yet? Stop looking at pictures online and trying to diagnose the mystery. You did not go to medical school. I should have gone to medical school. Think back to lifeguarding. Is it in the first aid manual? You shouldn’t have let your certifications lapse. WHY HASN’T the DOCTOR CALLED?!?!?!?!? He Is Going To DIE!!!!!!! Please no! Please let him be ok. Don’t do this to me. Take that toy cup off your chin so you can put ice the back on it….Oh, the cup…Did you suck and suction the cup on your chin? Mmmmmm-Hmmmmm…. Click! It’s a hickey…. He gave himself a HICKEY…. Who wants popcorn?