On our way home from school today, Lady J burst into tears. “Mom, I miss our blue house. I just miss it so much! I want to go home.” Tears immediately welled and flowed from behind my sunglasses as I drove on and gently responded, “I know, J. Me too. Me too.”
We don’t talk about “it” often, but sometimes she notices sale signs on lawns and asks if I like that house, or this one…She knows I like old stone farm houses, but I don’t favor brick. She knows that Mr. TheKing prefers a Tudor style and wonders if we can mix our styles, “Ya know, like a stone Tudor house, so Daddy likes the way it looks but so it’s also really strong. Stone is strong, right Mommy? It will keep us safe. It’s fireproof. It has to be. It just does.”
She associates the strength of the stone with The Three Little Pigs and wants nothing to do with houses made with visible wood on the surface, not really having an understanding of building materials, structural engineering, and architecture. She just wants a strong, fireproof, indestructible house that will keep her sheltered and safe forever and always.
Don’t we all?
We don’t talk about it often, but we talk about it openly. After our conversation in the car, this is what I wrote to her in her journal for tomorrow. I can only close my eyes now, take a deep breath, and hope it helps:
Thursday October 9, 2014
Hey Lady J,
I know that house we drove by after school reminded you of our blue house and that made you sad. I miss our house too.
I’m not really sure when we’ll have our own house again, but please know that Mommy & Daddy will make it as safe as we can. I do not know if it will be all stone or if it will be a mix of different styles and materials. I’m not sure if it will look the same on the outside.
I know you loved the inside of our blue house, but a new one may look different. The rooms may be in different places and the colors may not be the same. The decorations will vary and so will the furniture. I can’t draw you a picture of what it will look like because I don’t know. *
What I do know is that it will be filled with love, strength, and courage. You have been so very strong and patient for all these years. Your courage to adapt to each place we have lived with such ease and grace have taught both Daddy and me that no matter where we live, we are home as long as we are together. And together, we are indestructible. Together, we are stone.
I love you so much, Lady J. You are incredible and inspirational! Continue to be kind, be inclusive, be happy, and be you! I love you anywhere and everywhere for always and forever!