Bud: Mom, can you like, save da challah to make Fwench Toast in da mowning?
Me: I’m not sure we have all of the ingredients.
Bud: That’s ok. You can dust make Spanish Toast.
#TrueStory #HowDoesHeKnow?
Category Archives: Kids Corner
CWK #247365711: Talk to the Dad
So I’m sleeping, as many often do at 5am, and Bud comes in to our room to whisper, “Mom, I need a band-aid. I cut my penis.”
Most moms would probably throw the covers off and dart to an immediate “deer in headlights” stance trying to gather her wits while asking a bazillion questions, but I was caught in that middle time of dream land and life so his statement replayed in my head in that in between space for another hour or so while I sleepily asked if his penis was bleeding, which it was not, so I told him to go potty, get dressed, and make his bed. I would look at it when I woke up.
An hour later, he was dressed, I was awake, and we both seemed to forget about the whole (bizzarre) incident…until that night at bath time:
Bud: Mom, this is whewe I cut my penis. Look!
Me, wide eyed and having a horrific flashback in realization that it was not, in fact, a dream: Ooooohhhh, right! I see… It doesn’t look cut.
Bud: Yes it is. Look! (he shows me again.)
Me: Bud, that’s not a cut. thats where your urine comes out.
Bud: You mean my pee-pee? I know that! Look next to it!
Me, not seeing anything out of the ordinary: I’m going to call Daddy in. He might have more experience with this…Honey! (you don’t really think I call him “Mr. TheKing” for real, do you?) Can you come in here? Bud has something to show you!
Mr. TheKing enters the bathroom and I fill him in on the convo, so far.
MTK, looking horrified: Bud, how did this happen?
Bud: Well, my penis was cold so I twied to wawm it up.
MTK: On what?
Bud: My nightlight lightbulb.
MTK turns white as a ghost and proceeds: We NEVER touch lightbulbs. They get very hot. That was very dangerous.
Bud: I know that now, Daddy. I think I’m ok now. See?
Me: Out of curiosity, why was your penis cold?
Bud: Because I took off my pajamas, of couwse!
Me: Bud, that’s why you’re supposed to get dressed when you wake up.
Bud: Oh! Wight! Well now I know that’s a weally good idea. I won’t fo-get that tomowwow!
#WhatTheWhat?!?!?!?!
#LessonLearned??????
#UnexpectedConvosWithKids
#NeverDull
#SoThatHappened…
CWKs #247365711: Loop Holes
Beach House TV Rule:
No TV while the sun is OUT.
This rule, new for this year, has surprisingly been working remarkably well, 3 days in…until this morning:
Bud: Uuuuuh, Mommy? Is it supposed to wain today?
Me: No, its supposed to be a beautiful day.
Lady J, looking at Bud as though theres a plot afoot: How ’bout tomorrow?
Me: There’s a chance of thunder storms tomorrow.
Bud, unabashedly smirking just like Mr. TheKing: Dat is weally gweat news. Fo weal, weally gweat…
Me: Why?
Lady J, smiling her devilish grin: Because, your rule is that there’s no TV while the sun is OUT. If it rains, the sun won’t be OUT from behind the clouds so we can watch TV!
They high-five each other in celebratory solidarity, knowing they uncovered a massive loop hole in my rule…
Revised TV rule:
No TV while the sun is UP. This new rule comes complete with a science lesson on both the Earth’s orbit around the sun, cloudy weather, and a math lesson on TIME.
#wordsmatter
Convos with Kids #247365711: swimwear
K-Mad: Mom, today I’m gonna weaw my zucchini (bikini) to da beach to show awe da wifeguawds.
And that, my friends, is how Mr. TheKing lost what was left of his hair….
#ThisKid
Convos with Kids #247365711: Kid’s Day
Bud: Mom, I would like dat football beanbag.
Me: Ok. We’ll put it on your wishlist.
Bud: My wishwist is gettin’ pwetty full. I don’t fink I can wait till my biwfday so I fink we need a new holiday and I will call it Kid’s Day.
Me: What’s Kid’s day?
Bud: It’s dust like Fatha’s Day and Mova’s Day but foe me, and MAYBE K-Mad and Lady J if day awe weally good too.
#NiceTryBud
Wake Me Up…
Listening to the radio and Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends” comes on.
Bud: Uh, Mommy? Why does he need you to wake him up when September ends? Does he hibernate or something?
Oh Ya Can’t Get To Heaven…
My mom used to sing us a song that I’ve recently introduced (remembered) to the kids:
Oh, ya can’t get to heaven,
On rollerskates,
‘Cause you’ll roll right by
Those pearly gates…
I ain’t gonna cry, no more, no more…
Oh, ya can’t get to heaven,
In Grandpa’s car.
Cause Grandpa’s car
Won’t get that far…
There are several things wrong with this song, not the least of which is that being of Jewish heritage we don’t believe in heaven, per-say, but that is for a completely different post…
Anyway, the kids love the song and find it hilarious. They have been trying, to no avail, to add on verses for the last several weeks. Their rhyming, iambic pentameter, and humor still needs tweaking…
Well, wouldn’t ya know, Bud came up with a fine add-on verse during our trip to “Tayjay” today, that he proudly sang (LOUDLY) throughout the store:
Oh you can’t get to heaven,
On mommy’s tush,
‘Cause mommy’s tush,
Has a prickly bush!
I ain’t gonna cry….mostly because I was laughing too hard….
Sooooo…..how was your day?
#SoTHATHappened
Convos with Kids #247365711: The Angry Toddler
K-Mad, emerging from her bedroom well past bed-time: I’m DONE wif my waw paint.
Me: What wall paint?
K: Da picta on my waw. You need ta cova it up. Paint it white.
Me: I painted that mural just for you. It’s your special wall. Your special picture.
K: Wew, I don’t wike it anymo. I’m done wif it. I don’t want it. You can dust paint ova it.
Me: K-Mad, that’s not a nice thing to say. That hurts my feelings. Maybe we’ll talk about it in the morning, after a good night sleep. Now it’s time to go back to bed.
K: You awe bein’ mean ta me. You awe da meanest mommy.
Me: K-Mad, you’re not filling my bucket right now. You’re dipping into it.
K: Mommy, you need a bigga bucket…
#ThisKid
Mustn’t Cry
Whoever said, “You mustn’t cry over spilled milk” clearly never had a child spill milk all over himself, the table, the floor, and his sisters mere minutes before it was time to leave to school… #justsayin’ #MadeItOnTime #IsItSummerYet?
IKEA
That moment when you’re putting IKEA furniture together and you have extra pieces…or not enough…and you think, “Whatever, I drank Mountain Dew for the first time since college, or maybe ever… WOOOOO! Let’s Do This!” #GitErDone #NewHouse
sidenote: the extra “energy” from Mountain Dew lasts approximately 12 hours…4:30am is very early while being simultaneously VERY late…
Shannanigans365 