Category Archives: Convos With Kids

Oh Ya Can’t Get To Heaven…

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My mom used to sing us a song that I’ve recently introduced (remembered) to the kids:

Oh, ya can’t get to heaven, 

On rollerskates,

‘Cause you’ll roll right by

Those pearly gates…

I ain’t gonna cry, no more, no more…

Oh, ya can’t get to heaven,

In Grandpa’s car.

Cause Grandpa’s car

Won’t get that far…

There are several things wrong with this song, not the least of which is that being of Jewish heritage we don’t believe in heaven, per-say, but that is for a completely different post…

Anyway, the kids love the song and find it hilarious. They have been trying, to no avail, to add on verses for the last several weeks. Their rhyming, iambic pentameter, and humor still needs tweaking…

Well, wouldn’t ya know, Bud came up with a fine add-on verse during our trip to “Tayjay” today, that he proudly sang (LOUDLY) throughout the store:

Oh you can’t get to heaven, 

On mommy’s tush, 

‘Cause mommy’s tush, 

Has a prickly bush!

I ain’t gonna cry….mostly because I was laughing too hard….

Sooooo…..how was your day?

#SoTHATHappened

Convos with Kids #247365711: The Angry Toddler

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K-Mad, emerging from her bedroom well past bed-time: I’m DONE wif my waw paint. 

Me: What wall paint?

K: Da picta on my waw. You need ta cova it up. Paint it white. 

Me: I painted that mural just for you. It’s your special wall. Your special picture. 

K: Wew, I don’t wike it anymo. I’m done wif it. I don’t want it. You can dust paint ova it.  

Me: K-Mad, that’s not a nice thing to say. That hurts my feelings.  Maybe we’ll talk about it in the morning, after a good night sleep. Now it’s time to go back to bed. 

K: You awe bein’ mean ta me. You awe da meanest mommy. 

Me: K-Mad, you’re not filling my bucket right now. You’re dipping into it. 

K: Mommy, you need a bigga bucket…

#ThisKid  

Convos with Kids #247365711: First Holy Communion

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Our niece received her first Holy Communion today and this is Bud’s reaction:

Now THAT was a wot of commosun dust fow a cwacka. I hope it tasted good. I’m fine wif dust da witz owe saltines, dust so ya know.

#goodtoknow

Convos with Kids #247365711: The Puppet Show

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Spoken lines during today’s “dress rehearsal”:

Bud as Bumblebee: Hey Snow! Wow. You wook gweat! Come wif me to my fake school. It’s weally a cwub. Dust hop in my caw….

—————

Lady J as Rapunzel: No! Don’t touch that! It’s electric and you’ll get shocked. Watch me try it. {Bzzzzzzzzzzzz!} Hey! That was TOTALLY AWESOME! Watch me zap myself again! I think I’m glowing now!

————-

My take aways:
1) teach Bud to not be #THATguy
2) #facepalm
3) #WTF?!?!?!
4) #parentingfails {big time}
5) miles to go before I sleep…
7) seriously, #WTF?!?!?!?!
8) Overall I’d give the performances and the original script 2 thumbs up. The show was full of completely unexpected plot twists…

  

Dinner Convos with Kids

Posted in Convos With Kids, So that happened by

Bud: Guess what?

Me: Chicken butt

Take away: whole family in hysterics because I said, “chicken butt,” except Mr. TheKing because my response was inappropriate and sets a bad example. 

——————-

Lady J questions if I will die before Daddy since I am older. (It was related to a birthday conversation)

Mr. TheKing (jokingly) responds: Women generally live longer because men work and have added stress while women watch soaps and eat bonbons.*

Take away: sets children’s perception of equality and reality back to the 1950s #facepalm

————————

Poll: Whose joke was more inappropriate and detrimental to our children?

*Let it be publicly noted that Mr. TheKing and I have a running joke about what I actually do all day as a SAHM and his response, in no way, reflects his actual knowledge or opinion of said reality

Convos with Kids #247365711: Birds & Bees

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Part 1:

Lady J: Mom, I know a fertilized egg hatches into a chicken and an unfertilized egg is the kind we eat. But, how does the egg become fertilized?

Me: 😳 

{side note: I have no idea how this schtuff works with birds…mental note: ask SIRI…} 

——————————————-

Part 2:

Lady J: Mom, I think I’m ready for a sleepover. 

Me: That’s great! I’ll see if we can set one up!

J: Great! (She rattles off a list of friends and cousins she’d like to have over.) Also, what about _______? Can I have a sleepover with HIM?

{Side note: _______ = her boyfriend}

Me: Um, no. Boys and girls don’t usually have sleepovers together. 

J: So is that a rule you and Daddy made up?

Me: I think it’s just a general parenting rule. But I really don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. It’s just how it is. 

J: Why?

Me: I. Don’t. Know? Hmmmm, I’ll ask some other parents and see what they say. 

J: Wouldn’t it be easier if there was a rule book?

Me: You have no idea…

Side note: please provide parenting feedback on either or both conversations. Inquiring minds want to know…

PS: Do NOT mention this to Mr. TheKing. He does not to lose what’s left of his hair…

  

Convos with Kids #247365711: I Wear my Sunglasses at Night

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Me: Are you sleeping with your sunglasses on?

K-Mad: Yeah. It’s too bwight in hewe wifout dem. 

Me: Do you want me turn off the light instead?

K-Mad: Nah. Dat’s ok, Momma. Den it would be too dawk. 

Me: If I turn off the light, you could take off the sunglasses. I can bring in another nightlight too, so it’s just right. 

K-Mad: No fanks, Mom. Dis wowks. I be aw-wight. It’s dust so I can see at night!

#ThisKid #SunglassesAtNight #CoreyHart

 

Classic: 1.23.15

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Lady J, on the way home from school: Punch Buggy Blue Classic! Hey, Mom? Is ‘classic’ synonymous with ‘old?’

Me: I guess it can be. It’s synonymous with a few different words.

Bud: Ya mean wike it can mean a bunch of things?

Me: Yes. Classic can mean ‘retro’ or ‘vintage’ or….

J, interrupting: So, ‘old’..as in ‘made in the olden days’ or ‘old fashioned’ but you still think it’s cool because you’re classic too?

#touché #wellplayed

Ps: Next week’s vocabulary lesson will include ‘nostalgia’ as in ‘remember the good old days when you were little and didn’t have any inkling that you were smarter than your mother’ and ‘remember back when you were also sweet without the sass?’

Oh Sh*#! 8.7.14

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While watching The Goonies as I cook dinner, Lady J enters the kitchen and whispers, “Mom, what does shit mean? Because Chunk says it a lot in the movie. Like, a lot, and I just don’t know what it means.”

All I can think is, “Oh SH*#! This is the beginning of the end.”

From her tone I can tell she knows it’s not an appropriate word, and my initial thought is to respond harshly with the standard, “We DO NOT use that word. It is a bad word and I don’t EVER want to hear you say it. Understand?”

But a flash from my own childhood played in my head. I was standing at our front door, maybe around 8 years old. I asked what the word Hell meant. It was an honest question that I really didn’t know the answer to. I have no idea where I had heard it and I had no idea that it was an inappropriate word to use. So I asked. The reaction I got was less than explanatory, though I never said it again in front of my parents, as a child.

So I take a step back and answer her with honesty, “It means poop. But it’s not a nice word and you are not allowed to say it. It’s rude.”

“Is it like ‘hate’ and ‘stupid’?” She questions with translucent innocence.

“Yes,” I reply.

“Okay. Then I won’t say it. But Mommy?  Chunk says it a awfully lot of times when bad things happen that are also silly. It’s kinda funny. He kinda says it like when you say ‘oh dear’ or ‘oh my goodness,'” she chuckles knowing she nailed the context usage.

“Oh poop,” I mutter, “Here we go.”

She exits the kitchen quietly giggling, “Oh poop…”

#igotplayed