CWK 24.7.365.7-11: Post School Conversation

Me: How was school today?

Bud: Oh, yeah! It was gweat! I’m at the gween table now!

Me: Really?! Who else sits at your table?

Bud: Well, a boy that I don’t know his name. He’s the class twoubke-maka.

Me: What makes him a trouble-maker?

Bud: Well, he just doesn’t listen and pay attention. He also tackled someone in class once. Not today though. But he always has to move his clip to yellow. He’s a twouble-maka alwight.

Me: Ok. Well who else do you sit with?

Bud: Two giwls. I don’t know theiw names eitha, but I call one of them Katie. She said that’s ok.

Me: Is her name Katie?

Bud: No. But that’s what I call her. It’s fine with huh.

Me: Is “S” at your table?

Bud: Mom, I know “S” alweady. I’ve been in huh class foe yeaws! It’s not “S”. That would be so funny if I fowgot huh name. Hehehe! That would be cwazy! It’s Katie. Even though that’s not huh weal name. Maybe it can be huh nick-name.

Me: Oh. Ok. Maybe you should find out her real name tomorrow.

Bud: Maybe at wecess. I played with huh and “D” at wecess today. They said I could play with them. I was looking for “D” and he was playing with that giwl I call Katie and she said, “The mowe the mewwia” so I played with them.

Me: What game did you play?

Bud: I don’t know what it’s called, but you have to look foe them and catch them.

Me: Is it tag?

Bud: No.

Me: Is it hide & seek?

Bud: No. You have to pick if you’we bad owe evil.

Lady J: Technically that’s the same thing.

Bud: No it’s not. Evil is WAY wowse than bad. Like that twouble-maka. He’s acting bad but I don’t think he’s evil. He just has a hawd time wemembwing the wules. He doesn’t twy to huwt anyone.

#whatsinaname #arosebyanyother #andthereyouhaveit #truth #wisdomofchildren #innocence #outofthemouthsofbabes #badvsevil #howdoesheknow

CWK 24.7.365.7-11: Self Awareness

Me talking to Bud before school started: Are you excited for kindergarten? You’re going to have 5 full days of school!

Bud: Well, I think I’ll be ok the first three days, but you’re gonna need to pick me up at lunch the other 2.* I’m planning on being tired. I’ll need to rest.

#HowDoesHeKnow?

*I’m not sure if I’m more impressed with his self awareness or his basic subtraction skills.

Side note: he was totally right…

  

sunglasses 

That moment when you’re on vacation at the beach and there’s a giant wave that’s about to break and you have a choice to save your son or your sunglasses so you instinctively choose to grab your son instead of your sunglasses even though the wave wasn’t really all that big {you realize after the fact} plus he can swim rather well and he actually thought your attempt to grab him and save him from “eminent doom” was a shark attack but your “momma bear” reaction took over and you tried to prevent any harm to him as you have been trained to do as a lifeguard since the days of BC {before children} and moments later you realize that you not only scared your son into thinking the water was shark infested but you also lost your {good and only pair of} sunglasses in the wave and now you can no longer see in the bright southern sun as it reflects off the shimmering water and blinding sand so you try, in vain, to find them in the current and hope, pray, and cross your fingers that they wash up on shore all while getting an earful from your husband that you shouldn’t have been wearing those sunglasses in the water and that you are now (unfairly) relegated to wear dollar store glasses to the beach “just in case” even though (you don’t own any and) your track record for these sunglasses is pretty good considering they are 3 years old and you have yet to lose or damage them (not counting today) so when you average it all out, they have cost close to PENNIES per day so you go to sulk in the shallows and find shade for your burning eyes while your husband returns to the depths of the sandbar with your son and 20 minutes later, by sheer luck, he finds your sunglasses in another wave out in the ocean and almost looses his own sunglasses during the rescue and recovery…

#instantkarma #sothathappened #myhero #vacationwoes #vacationdosanddonts #firstworldproblems

CWK #247365711.2: 28-35 days later, the continuation of the conversation…

The following conversation is a natural follow-up to a conversation that began this past spring, when Lady J’s first grade class hatched chicks and learned about fertilized/unfertilized eggs. It then continued over the summer when the children learned of menstruation due to a bathroom door that doesn’t lock and an unrealistic expectation of parental privacy. This is the third installment and will undoubtedly NOT be the last: Continue reading

Relaxation-Shmelaxation

That moment when you’re soaking in the tub for the first time in 7 YEARS because baths aren’t really your thing but between athletic injuries, motherhood, moving (several times), doing your best at finding-the-funny, staying positive, and life-in-general you figure that perhaps it’s time to try out this Epsom Salt fad, so you light your one aromatic candle (because candles aren’t really your thing either because, well, FIRE) and you fill the tub with organic, non-gmo, gluten-free, super-fruit-extract, ass-firming bubbles mixed in with a few teaspoons {and-then-some} of relaxing lavender scented Epsom bath salts and hunker down, eyes closed with a glass of {boxed} red wine in hand {because you’re fancy like that} and just as you’re maybe-sorta-kinda-starting to get it, you hear the giggles of two little girls whom you had foolishly assumed were sleeping soundly for the past 45 minutes because it’s 9-farking-PM and bedtime was 2 HOURS ago and as you denyingly open one eye you see them disrobe and begin to climb in with you while both taunting and laughing at you, and you protest IN VAIN and finally give in because you remember that baths aren’t really your thing anyway… #motherhood #giggleswithmygirls 

  

CWK #247365711: An Intro to Womanhood

This may be TMI for some readers, but a few friends have recently questioned how to answer questions like those in the following conversation that recently happened.  Much as I’d like to, it’s nothing to shy away from or be embarrassed about when talking to your littles.  I have always maintained that honesty is the best policy when answering life’s (not so) little questions and to keep your answers appropriately worded and detailed for your child’s comprehension. That being said, it doesn’t make some parenting moments any less awkward… Continue reading

CWK #247365711: I Spy

Lady J: I spy with my big blue eyes something white.

Me: Is it on top of a building?

J: Yes.

Me: Does it have triangles?

J: Yes.

Me: Does it have pyramids?

J: Yes.

Me: Are there sharp pointy things on it?

J: Yes!

Bud: Oh! Oh! Oh! I know! Is it that sharp, pointy thing with the triangles and pyramids that’s on the top of that building?

#roomwithaview #charmcity

  

CWK #247365711: Bud, On Bud

Strolling down the boardwalk Bud gently takes me by the hand and asks if he can tell me something. “Of course!” I respond, and this truly observant five year old proceeds to explain the complexities of humans with such honest simplicity:

“Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I’m sad. Sometimes I’m silly. Sometimes I’m mad. Sometimes I like to have fun. Sometimes I’m serious. But I’m always me. Even though it’s not always easy.”

#HowDoesHeKnow #truth #wisdomofchildren

  

CWK #247365711: The “Playground”

Lady J: Mom, can we play on the beach playground?

Me: What beach playground?

Lady J: You know… The green and brown one. It’s right on the beach. The one with the climbing things and tunnels.

Me: There’s no playground on the… Wait, you mean the drainage pipe? Sure… Why (the heck) not. (I feel like getting berated by complete strangers as to how I should raise my children anyway.*) Let’s go!

Lady J: Thanks, Mom! You’re the best mom we’ve ever had!

(That last part always amuses me, no matter how many times I hear Lady J say it…)

*It should be noted that I was only berated by one complete stranger as MY children happily played on the “playground”. But that’s for another post at another time…maybe

  

CWK #247365711: Best. Pancakes. Ever!

You guys, I’m awesome in the kitchen, mostly….we won’t discuss my brief moment in my early 20s that I thought grape jelly, orange juice, and who knows what else from the fridge wisked together made a nice sauce to bake or sautée chicken in…blech….so sorry to those who faked deliciousness… Thanks for your honesty…or confidence boost…whatever… 

{Also, unrelated to this story, here is a link of 83 (EIGHTY THREE!!!!!!) recipes* that successfully use grape jelly…  http://www.yummly.com/recipes/grape-jelly-chicken  *Mine is not one of them…}

Anyway, my skill, pallet, and repertoire have increased substantially since then, although there are still a few recipes that need improvements and tweaking and others that I completely avoid, especially baking and pancakes. Seriously…please don’t ask. (I’ve even been known to flub up fool proof boxed cake mix…I’m THAT fool.)

Tonight, however, the kids requested banana pancakes for dessert. I rarely serve dessert, much less make it, unless its a fruit salad, but it’s my anniversary so what the hell!

In full disclosure, the pancakes were actually supposed to be fried “frozen banana icecream*” but you know how frying frozen mush goes, as I discovered first hand, so I had to improvise on the fry. (*banana icecream recipe below)

I initially thought about just frying banana slices, but Lady J was insistent that she wanted real pancakes with three slices in each. (So glad we taught her to voice her requests using specifics so that miscommunication and misunderstanding could be kept to a minimum…)

So back to the pancakes: Mr. TheKing is, in fact, the pancake making king of our household. It’s a boxed mix and not at all healthy, but it’s full of fake-sugar-blueberries and yumminess so once or twice a month-ish, breakfast is his to make. But he’s not at the beach on weekdays, nor is the box that I could “just add water” to, so I again had to improvise.

Luckily, I did have a bit of whole wheat, non-bleached, GMO free, organic, leftover pancake mix from winter break (or, most likely, last summer, but we won’t discuss that).

The recipe called for measuring, eggs, oil, water, and the mix to make the batter. I guessed on how much mix was left, cracked a few eggs based on that, added the melted banana ice cream in place of the oil I didn’t have, and poured in some water until I thought the consistency was right.

Then I turned the dial on the flat top glass stove to 5 because I guessed that was around 450 degrees as the recipe called for and heated up the pan/skillet, using a coconut oil spray in place of butter. I then used an ice cream scoop to “measure” the batter and plop it in the pan. I sliced up some fresh-ish bananas and added three slices to each pancake. The result was luckily quite delicious!

  
  

Here is the short convo to follow this lengthy intro:

Lady J: Thanks, Mom! You’re my best mom ever!

Me: Am I the best pancake maker ever?

Lady J, without hesitation: No. Daddy is. But you’re still the best mom I’ve ever had, so you’ve got that goin’ for ya’

#truth
#outofthemouthsofbabes #keepingitreal

  

To make banana ice cream:

1) Peel bananas (I used over-ripe ones)

2) Mush and mash until smooth

3) Freeze

(Seriously, that’s it! It stays a soft, ice creamy consistency once frozen and if it gets too hard just let it thaw a few minutes before scooping. #whoknew?  Top with peanut butter, caramel, or chocolate for extra yumminess!)