Category Archives: Kids Corner

The Dark One

Posted in So that happened by

Bud has a darker complexion than the rest of our family, which has, no doubt, been the root of a few awkward conversations:

A few months ago I brought him to the barber. I asked for a number 2 on top and a 1 around the sides. When the barber was done he asked if I wanted a “shape up.” I politely declined and he asked, “Are you sure? All the Puerto Rican kids are doing it.” The reality is that even if we were Puerto Rican, I still don’t like the look. But I couldn’t figure out how to politely tell him that was not our nationality without sounding either rude or possibly discriminatory, so I just smiled and declined again. #profiling?

A few months later we were back at the barber. When he was done with Bud’s cut he asked, How do you say thank you?” Bud replied, “Thank you!” The barber responded, “No, you say gracias.” Bud retorted, “Or you could say Todah Raba! That’s Hebrew for thank you!” The conversation ended there. #speechless

Yesterday, Bud had his kindergarten assessment. The school where he was tested happens to have a high population of Hispanic students. Upon entering, a teacher greeted Bud with a hearty, “Hola!” Bud politely answered, “I don’t speak Spanish,” to which she inquired how he knew it was Spanish. He gave me ‘the look’ and answered very matter of factly, “I’ve seen Dora.” #facepalm

I think he’s beginning to simultaneously spot the pattern and to realize that he’s smarter than most adults… #justsayin’

Convos with Kids #247365711: First Holy Communion

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Our niece received her first Holy Communion today and this is Bud’s reaction:

Now THAT was a wot of commosun dust fow a cwacka. I hope it tasted good. I’m fine wif dust da witz owe saltines, dust so ya know.

#goodtoknow

Convos with Kids #247365711: The Puppet Show

Posted in Convos With Kids by

Spoken lines during today’s “dress rehearsal”:

Bud as Bumblebee: Hey Snow! Wow. You wook gweat! Come wif me to my fake school. It’s weally a cwub. Dust hop in my caw….

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Lady J as Rapunzel: No! Don’t touch that! It’s electric and you’ll get shocked. Watch me try it. {Bzzzzzzzzzzzz!} Hey! That was TOTALLY AWESOME! Watch me zap myself again! I think I’m glowing now!

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My take aways:
1) teach Bud to not be #THATguy
2) #facepalm
3) #WTF?!?!?!
4) #parentingfails {big time}
5) miles to go before I sleep…
7) seriously, #WTF?!?!?!?!
8) Overall I’d give the performances and the original script 2 thumbs up. The show was full of completely unexpected plot twists…

  

Dinner Convos with Kids

Posted in Convos With Kids, So that happened by

Bud: Guess what?

Me: Chicken butt

Take away: whole family in hysterics because I said, “chicken butt,” except Mr. TheKing because my response was inappropriate and sets a bad example. 

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Lady J questions if I will die before Daddy since I am older. (It was related to a birthday conversation)

Mr. TheKing (jokingly) responds: Women generally live longer because men work and have added stress while women watch soaps and eat bonbons.*

Take away: sets children’s perception of equality and reality back to the 1950s #facepalm

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Poll: Whose joke was more inappropriate and detrimental to our children?

*Let it be publicly noted that Mr. TheKing and I have a running joke about what I actually do all day as a SAHM and his response, in no way, reflects his actual knowledge or opinion of said reality

Stream of Consciousness: The Mysterious Bruise

Posted in Momologues, So that happened by

That moment when you’re having a lazy Saturday morning and you’re sitting on the couch next to your child, watching a movie and you notice his chin is bruised and seems to have a rash and no less than one BAZILLION thoughts fly through your head like lightning, gaining speed and intensity as the list rapidly grows: Did he bump it? Does it hurt? How long has it been there? Was it there when he woke up? Did it happen in his sleep? Why didn’t you look at him carefully earlier than this moment? There was no time. Make more time. Should I call the pediatrician? Should we go to the ER? Is it contagious? What is it? It could be a rash. Is it swollen? Did he knock a tooth loose? It could be anything. It’s probably nothing. It could be meningitis, hepatitis, any-itis! Does it hurt when you turn your head? Does he have a fever? Is he exhibiting signs of a concussion? Can you follow my finger? How many fingers do you see? Work on counting skills. His eyes are focused. He might be cross eyed. Should I compare it to pictures on WebMD? No, then he’ll have cancer. Call the pediatrician. Get kids dressed as quickly as possible in case you must flee to the doctor or emergency room. There’s no time to clean up. Clean up while you wait for the doctor to call you back. Should I wake up my husband. Only if we need to leave. Should I wake him just in case and have him look too? No, you can handle this. Get him an ice pack for the bruise. What the hell is it?  Why is it so circular? Has it spread? Check the rest of his body. Does it look like Lymes disease? Check body for deer ticks. Stop freaking out. It’s probably nothing. Is he going to die? Why hasn’t the doctor called back yet? Stop looking at pictures online and trying to diagnose the mystery.  You did not go to medical school. I should have gone to medical school. Think back to lifeguarding. Is it in the first aid manual? You shouldn’t have let your certifications lapse. WHY HASN’T the DOCTOR CALLED?!?!?!?!? He Is Going To DIE!!!!!!! Please no!  Please let him be ok. Don’t do this to me. Take that toy cup off your chin so you can put ice the back on it….Oh, the cup…Did you suck and suction the cup on your chin? Mmmmmm-Hmmmmm…. Click! It’s a hickey…. He gave himself a HICKEY…. Who wants popcorn? 

 

Convos with Kids #247365711: Birds & Bees

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Part 1:

Lady J: Mom, I know a fertilized egg hatches into a chicken and an unfertilized egg is the kind we eat. But, how does the egg become fertilized?

Me: 😳 

{side note: I have no idea how this schtuff works with birds…mental note: ask SIRI…} 

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Part 2:

Lady J: Mom, I think I’m ready for a sleepover. 

Me: That’s great! I’ll see if we can set one up!

J: Great! (She rattles off a list of friends and cousins she’d like to have over.) Also, what about _______? Can I have a sleepover with HIM?

{Side note: _______ = her boyfriend}

Me: Um, no. Boys and girls don’t usually have sleepovers together. 

J: So is that a rule you and Daddy made up?

Me: I think it’s just a general parenting rule. But I really don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. It’s just how it is. 

J: Why?

Me: I. Don’t. Know? Hmmmm, I’ll ask some other parents and see what they say. 

J: Wouldn’t it be easier if there was a rule book?

Me: You have no idea…

Side note: please provide parenting feedback on either or both conversations. Inquiring minds want to know…

PS: Do NOT mention this to Mr. TheKing. He does not to lose what’s left of his hair…

  

Convos with Kids #247365711: I Wear my Sunglasses at Night

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Me: Are you sleeping with your sunglasses on?

K-Mad: Yeah. It’s too bwight in hewe wifout dem. 

Me: Do you want me turn off the light instead?

K-Mad: Nah. Dat’s ok, Momma. Den it would be too dawk. 

Me: If I turn off the light, you could take off the sunglasses. I can bring in another nightlight too, so it’s just right. 

K-Mad: No fanks, Mom. Dis wowks. I be aw-wight. It’s dust so I can see at night!

#ThisKid #SunglassesAtNight #CoreyHart

 

DEAR Time

Posted in Moments, Momologues by

That moment when you hear dawdling and playing behind the closed door and you’re ready to storm in and give the ALL POWERFUL COUNT TO THREE because of course you’re running late and it’s only Monday and you’ve already told them at least a BAZILLION times to get dressed, make beds, brush teeth, put your toys away, check under the beds, open the curtains, and pack your school bags…but when you open the door you see DEAR (drop everything and read) time happening and your oldest is reading to your middle and the giggles are from a funny part in the book and your academic worries as a parent begin to melt away knowing that the magic of reading and the bond between siblings is growing and suddenly being late isn’t the worst thing that can happen…

  

#HappyMonday #DeepBreath #SlowAndSteady #LivingInTheMoment

The Call

Posted in Momologues by

I have a planning conference call next week scheduled for after bedtime and I suspect here’s how it’ll go down:

I’ll set two reminders: one for a day before and one for 5 minutes before.

The first reminder will remind me to keep the kids from napping the day of the conference to ensure that they go right to sleep, possibly even a little early.

Despite my best efforts to keep her awake, K-Mad will inevitably fall asleep on the couch around 4, while I’m cooking dinner and helping Lady J with her homework.  I’ll move K-Mad to her bed, but without a nap time diaper. She’ll wake up 20ish minutes later, soaked from head to toe, thus adding to the continuous laundry cycle, which is often more dependable than the life cycle of a frog you learn about in third grade.

Speaking of frogs, her blankie “Froggie” will also be soaked and in need of a bath with her bedding and clothes. This will cause an uproar of epic proportions… And another tantrum hours later when she realizes I forgot to move the load into the dryer and it’s bedtime. But the actual time won’t matter much because her 20 minute cat-nap was just long enough to fuel her well into the night…

Bud will stay awake for the long haul, but around 4:30, 4:45, 5:00, 5:01, and 5:06 I’ll remember why he still kinda needs a nap, and internally weigh the options of the nap/no-nap dilemma for the gazillionth time.  He’ll go to sleep early without much of a fight, but then wake minutes before the call as though it was just a nap, not actually bed time. He won’t require much: just a banana, a back rub, warm milk, and a spot in our bed, right between us, to watch TV while he enjoys his “midnight” snack.

Lady J will have gone to bed on time, but will still be awake, singing to her stuffed animals. Unfortunately, she and Bud share a room, so you know the rest…

All of these shannanigans will have caused me to be out of my room and to miss the second alarm reminding me of the call.

After several back-and-forths, ups-and-downs, and about another hour, Mr. TheKing and I will finally have all three kids in bed, hopefully sleeping.

I will then proceed to pack lunches, fold laundry, write in their journals, and possibly (probably) pour a glass of wine (vodka). I’ll retire to our bedroom and attempt to unwind, veg out, and finally, sleep.

Minutes after I am finally asleep, AT LEAST one child will show up in our bedroom, carrying their own pillow and blanket to be set up on our floor. I will help them get settled and glance at my phone realizing that I missed the call…

#lifewithkids #murphy #callingit